Wacky Ways To Sneak Food
1 Slather On Some Edible Lotion
Edible lotions come in all different flavors, including lavender, sweet almond, coconut, punch, cherry, strawberry, and watermelon. Now, unless your boss or co-workers read the label on the bottle, they’ll be none the wiser when you start slathering it on your hands. They’ll just think you’re trying to moisturize your skin. All you have to do is make sure you don’t let them catch you licking your fingers!
So, where can you get edible lotion? Well, you can head to the mall and pick some up from Victoria’s Secret, or you can purchase some online from Amazon, Walmart, eBay, and other similar websites.
2 Shove A Cigarette In Your Mouth
Okay, so, you can’t smoke at your desk, obviously, but you could pretend you’re going outside for a smoke, and when no one’s looking, shove the cigarette in your mouth really quickly. I know it sounds crazy, but cigarettes are actually edible. Plus, cigarettes are tobacco products, and tobacco is known for having natural antiseptic and anti-parasitic properties. Yes, cigarettes contain a lot of nicotine, too. The good part is that you’d likely vomit all of it out before it gets a chance to be absorbed into your system.
There is another option, though, and it’s much safer besides having a better taste. Candy cigarettes! Yes, they still sell those—mostly online. Many of them look like the real thing, and you won’t have to worry about any nasty side effects.
3 Squirt Edible Perfume In Your Mouth
Yes, there is such a thing as edible perfume, and you can purchase some from a retailer or make your own at home. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “What good is edible perfume going to do when I’m hungry?” Well, if you pick out just the right flavors, it can help control your appetite and alleviate cravings. These flavors include peppermint, strawberry, grapefruit, jasmine, lavender, and vanilla.
To be as sneaky as possible, make sure it comes in a bottle that looks more like an aromatherapy spray or a room freshener that you can sit on your desk.
To make your own edible perfume, simply mix water, food flavoring, an artificial sugar substitute and food coloring in a bowl, and pour the mixture through a funnel into an empty perfume spray bottle.
4 Eat Some Crayons
School teachers, this one is for you. Amazon sells edible milk chocolate crayons, and you can munch on them while sitting at your desk. This is something you definitely don’t want to be caught doing, though. Not because you’d be eating food, but because to everyone else it will look like you’re eating crayons, ha ha!
That being said, you can get a 3-pack of Madelaine Solid Premium Milk Chocolate Crayons wrapped in red, green, yellow, blue, and orange Italian foils from Amazon. Each box contains five crayons, and the crayons contain milk chocolate (sugar, milk cocoa butter, chocolate, soy lecithin [emulsifier], vanillin [artificial flavor]).
5 Nosh On Some Notepads
Japanese stationery company Eins Corp. makes edible notepads you can write on using an edible ink pen. According to an article published by The Asahi Shimbun, the company produced these edible notepads “for those who worry about their stomach making funny noises during quiet office meetings.”
The notepads come with 20 sheets of paper and are available in four scents—vanilla, strawberry, orange, and curry. The pads are made from wafer paper and contain starch powder, olive oil, and water. The edible ink pen contains water, citric acid, and coloring. The pen and paper retail for about 2000 yen ($18 USD) and can be purchased through the company’s website.
6 Eat Glitter
If you’re an art teacher, I’m sure you’ve got a ton of glitter in your classroom. And while you likely don’t have the kind that you can eat, there are some you can get that’s edible. You’ve probably even seen it before. Edible glitter is often used to decorate desserts. So, what exactly is this stuff made of? They typically contain sugar, cornstarch, and color additives.
A word of warning: make sure the glitter actually has the word “edible” on its label. “If the label simply says ‘non-toxic’ or ‘for decorative purposes only’ and does not include an ingredients list, the product should not be used directly on foods,” the FDA states.
7 Munch On A Plant
Did you know that some flowers and plants are edible? Yep, it’s true! For example, roses can be used to enhance soups, salads, teas, jams, and desserts. And even though they have a strong scent, their flavor is actually subtle and fruity. Then there are violets, which have a sweet and floral taste. They are often used in things like salads, iced drinks, and desserts.
Last but not least is the dandelion. It is perhaps the safest of all plants to eat. People typically use it to make dandelion tea and dandelion wine. What’s more is that dandelion is high in antioxidants.
8 Chew On A Pencil
Before any of you start going off about lead poisoning, please understand that there’s no truth to this common belief. Pencils have never contained lead—at least not the writing part of it, anyway. If anyone ever got lead poisoning from a pencil, it was because of the paint. Thankfully, lead was outlawed as an ingredient in paint in the U.S. in 1978. So, unless you find a really old pencil somewhere, there’s absolutely no chance of you getting lead poisoning from one.
So, what are pencils made of then? They are made of graphite, which is a soft form of carbon. And according to the Mount Sinai Health System, graphite is relatively nonpoisonous. The worst that could happen, aside from choking on it, is that you’ll experience a little vomiting and perhaps an upset stomach.
9 Eat An Edible Bowl
It’s easy to make your own edible bowl at home. Just be sure to make it decorative so that it doubles as a part of your office/cubicle/desk décor.
Here’s a recipe for Swirled Edible Bowls from Food Network:
- Small balloons
- White candy Melts
- Red candy Melts
- Blue candy Melts
- Parchment-lined baking sheet
Inflate eight small balloons, being sure to gently wash the tops. Pat dry. Next, melt 1 1/2 cups of white Candy Melts and 1/2 cup each of Red and Blue Candy Melts in separate bowls. Let them cool slightly. Then, spread eight small circles of the white candy onto a parchment-lined baking sheet.
Next, spoon the red and blue candy into the remaining white candy, then use a skewer to gently swirl, being careful not to overmix. Dip the top quarter of each balloon in the candy, twisting the balloon slightly to create a swirled look. Lift out the balloon and let the excess drip off. Place the balloon candy-side down on a circle of white candy melts. Refrigerate until set (30 minutes to 1 hour).
Last but not least, carefully make a small cut near the knot on each balloon to slowly deflate it, then gently peel the balloon away from the bowl. Refrigerate or freeze the bowls until you’re ready to use them.
10 Eat Bugs
Eating bugs is an everyday occurrence in some parts of the world. Here in the Western World, however, it’s seen as odd and downright disgusting. But don’t let that stop you from munching on a few you might find at work.
According to The Daily Meal, there are more than 1,000 types of palatable bugs. What’s more is that they’re all excellent sources of protein. The Daily Meal also says that six-legged insects are perfect for when you want something raw and crunchy. If, however, the thought of eating them raw turns your stomach, you can always opt for the cooked ones, which you can order from boutiques. There are roasted giant water bugs, scorpions preserved in brine, and more!
11 Eat Chalk
I know most classrooms nowadays are equipped with whiteboards and/or SMART Boards, but if you work at a school that still uses chalkboards, you can eat chalk whenever you get the urge to snack at your desk.
Believe it or not, chalk is non-toxic. Not only that, but it’s high in calcium. Beware, though. Chalk should not be eaten over an extended period of time for two reasons. One, you could end up with serious health problems, and two, you can become addicted to it! Unfortunately, this happens to a lot of pregnant women. According to The Daily Mail, one woman was so addicted to it she would eat up to 10 sticks of chalk a day when she was pregnant with her second child.
12 Eat Broken Glass
Okay, so I’m not really telling you to eat broken glass. Instead, what I’m suggesting is that you eat sugar glass, or breakaway glass—you know, that stuff they use in the movies to make it look like the hero is jumping through glass windows and shattering beer bottles over people’s heads.
No, that’s not real glass—although it looks like it. It’s actually made from candy. The good part about it is that it tastes like candy, too, plus it’s easy to make at home. To make some yourself, you’ll need ingredients like cream of tartar, water, granulated sugar, corn syrup, food coloring, and flavored extracts. There are tons of recipes online that show you how to mix the ingredients together and how long to cook them.
13 Eat Clay
You may not know it, but there’s a pretty good chance you already eat clay. According to WebMD, some types of clay are used to make medicine. What’s more is that some people even use it to treat stomach disorders and mouth sores, as well as to detoxify. Others use it as a mask to treat their acne.
If you do decide to eat it, just make sure you don’t consume it over a long period of time. Doing so can cause low levels of potassium and iron, as well as lead poisoning, muscle weakness, intestinal blockage, skin sores, or breathing problems.
14 Guzzle Down The Ink From The Ink Cartridges
Now, before anyone starts getting all upset and thinks I’m telling people to drink a poisonous substance, please understand that there are two different kinds of ink—the toxic kind and the edible kind. Canon, among other companies, makes edible printer systems, which, of course, use edible ink cartridges. These edible inks are a specially formulated food coloring mixture that’s used for printing on wafer paper, icing sheets, etc.
You ever wonder how they get those cool pictures on children’s birthday cakes at the bakery? Using edible ink is how.
So, when you’re at work and those hunger pangs strike, head to the copy room and sip on some edible ink.
15 Eat Glue
Most of you probably ate glue when you were a kid. If you didn’t do it, you probably knew someone who did. And did you ever notice how no one ever got sick from doing it and so they just kept doing it? That’s because Elmer’s school glue (the white one) is non-toxic.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Well, those kids just ate a little bit of glue, that’s why they didn’t get sick.” Well, that may be, but according to The Daily Mail, there have been people known to eat a whole bottle of it in one sitting, and the worst that happened was they ended up with a tummy ache. The Daily Mail does, however, warn against consuming other types of glue. “Keep in mind that despite the fact that Elmer’s is about the mildest glue out there, we’d strongly advise against eating anything stronger than that,” they said.
16 Munch On Some Tree Bark
That decorative tree bark you have on your desk can double as an afternoon snack. Just make sure it came from one of the trees with edible bark. These include pine, slippery elm, black birch, yellow birch, red spruce, black spruce, balsam fir, and tamarack.
Now, when I say tree bark, I’m not referring to the rough exterior portion of the tree. The edible part is actually inside. In other words, you have to scrape off the rough layer of bark to get to the cambium layer, which is the edible portion—also known as the inner bark. Just so you know what to look for, the inner bark is white or cream colored.
17 Eat Gold
I’m sure you’ve all heard of edible gold before. It’s used to garnish many foods—candy, donuts, sushi, cocktails, etc.—and is available in sheets and flakes. It’s also considered biologically inert, which means it doesn’t get absorbed when it passes through your digestive tract.
Like all gold, edible gold is very pricey. But its makeup is not the same as the gold that’s found in your jewelry. That type of gold may have other metals and can be toxic if consumed. Edible gold may contain other metals, too, but they’re safe metals, like pure silver. There are, however, cheaper versions which contain impurities, so steer clear of those.
18 Eat Crystals
Edible crystals are an easy way to sneak a sweet treat at your office desk. You could just pass them off as healing crystals and no one would know the difference.
Edible crystals are crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and even flavors. The crystals are made of sugar, agar-agar, extracts, flavoring, coloring, and vegetable oil. They are also vegan and gluten-free. Be careful, though. Some of them have sharp edges. That being said, keep them out of the reach of children under seven years of age.
19 Eat Diamonds
Edible diamonds look just like the real thing, complete with facets. The difference is they are made of isomalt, which is a sugar substitute. People use them to add a bit of flair to their cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and other types of pastries.
Opt for an edible diamond ring (you can get one from Amazon for $8.99) instead of just an edible stone. That way, you can casually put your hand up to your mouth and nibble on the ring. Your co-workers most likely won’t even notice. In fact, when they see your hand up at your mouth, they’ll probably just think that something shocked or surprised you or that you’re deep in thought.
20 Munch On Your Leather Coat
Leather is made from the skins of various animals (e.g. cattle, sheep, goats, snakes, horses, lizards, alligators, etc.) and largely contains 60-70% water and 30-35% protein, so it makes sense that you could eat it. But before you start chomping away, please know that you can’t eat your leather coat in its current state.
Leather must be boiled (using water and fire) for a few hours to soften it. And even then, you have to make sure it isn’t tanned. Unless it’s vegetable-tanned leather. Those are safe to eat. FYI, vegetable-tanned leather is commonly used for belts, wallets, holsters, and saddles.